the one that got away

alone in the room. dogs barking. cold breeze striking on my bedroom's windows. got a new track- "the one that got away".

flying back to the memories of teenage era. who is the one that got away from me?? with the mood of dedicating the song. alone. bored. and here is the ode to the one that got away from my life.

ode to THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

life is a memory of past,
when i remember our sweet togetherness.
i am bound to the present,
but you are rooted in me.

the way you scold my carelessness.
the times you frustrate for me being heartless
oh, the smile of your joys
now its just the pain in my heart

all of us want to go back
to correct that past
but, you my dear
i truly want to bring that past back now ( with tears of regret).

you said you hate me,
with all the love in your heart
just to make me right
but it was me in the past

dear your last words,
"i will be always with you"
is in me, living with me
but me, i never said that.

incessant tears; i remember you
with lots of love and regrets
wish i said "you are the one"
the only one in my resentful life.

and the song goes on
"in another life, i will be your boy
we keep all our promises, be us against the world..

in another life, i will make you stay
so i don't have to say you are the one that got away,
the one that got away........"

love you dear.............

a breach in the shang-rila...

i am a student studying abroad. and i love my country, Bhutan, the last Shangri-la.

and this article is not about my country, and my love for it. this article is my journey back to my home in vacation.

i travel in train days and nights. if i have saved some money, i am lucky enough to get into Air conditioned couch. if not i am usually bound in sleeper class and sometimes in general class too. to those who doesn't know what general class is, than just imagine a packed train with passengers and you standing on one leg because you don't have space for the other. but i bear all this things and i am bound to. but i never feel bad about it. it is not because i am patient guy, but it is just that i am impatient to get home, to my country, with any condition.

i will always relish the moment i enter the beautiful gate in Phuentsholing. maybe it is a psychological feeling, but i get the sense of freshness generated in me and the scent of air i breath differs way good then where i came from. there always will be a smile on my face. though my curly hairs are curlier with the dusts and my dress needing a harsh hard wash.

i stay in my aunt's house in phuentsholing for one night. i eat the meal i wish to eat. and everything seems right and in order of what i like to do. but still my journey doesn't end there. i always have a ticket to samdrup jongkhar the next day.

its too early in the morning. its 5 am and i am near the beautiful gate. next to the gate the bus is warming its engine . i have my luggage with me and the gates open. near the bus i always argue with the coolis wanting to get paid to load my very light luggage on the bus. they want to earn. but i can do such stuffs with ease. so i quarrel.

the journey starts again. its cool in the morning. what it goes in my mind i am not sure but as soon as i am on my seat and the bus moves, the sense of claustrophobia tingles me and makes me irritated. the beggars, the sellers and the people standing. it reminds me of general class i travel. but i bear that. my home awaits me.

the bus always stops and moves and stops and moves. people come in and come out. i do have car sickness and on that this bus sickness(the corwded noisy bus) makes me feel horrible. but still my home awaits me.

here is the justification of my title of the article.

i always think the same way. why cannot i travel through Bhutan? is there a shorter route to my home. i have limited days for vacation. 2 weeks vacation and the journey has already taken 4. i don't want to loose one. so i cannot travel in bhutan to reach my home. i have to take shorter route and here it is. the times in a bus.

i have the feeling of urge of freshness. its too hot and dusty again. its another journey which tests my patience.

phuentsholing is one important city and samdrup jongkhar the other, in the southern bhutan. to cite the importance, one such is, this two cities link the commercial activities of eastern people. and they have to rely on the road via india. its not only me. i have seen many frustrated people. why cant we link them through Bhutan? tragedies happened in the past. still we are using the same road. still the people are risking their lives along that road. government is kind enough to arrange escort. we don't have strike in bhutan. they have and we have to depend on their decisions.

i heard the project of building road is started. if it is, than its taking long time. oranges are getting rotten and people are suffering. my dad slept 4 nights in Assam state while traveling in escort. and thank god i didn't experience that. my vacation would be way over than.

here is the continuation of my story..

so frustrated though, i am happy inside, to see the smiles of my parents and sisters waiting to see me. happy to eat my mum's cooked cuisine. and i learn patience. with this rusty bus journey i reach samdrup jongkhar with full of wishes and for the second time i am relieved to see another gate. the same feeling elope me as i enter the gate.

and than i take a ticket to trashigang. its morning the next day. and through the mountains and hills a well settled bus moves on and on. a melodic bhutanese track, fresh air through the window of bus and people smiling, my head leans backward and gets a peaceful sleep with the feeling that by the end of the day i will be in the arms of my parents and have kisses from my sisters.

my parents come to pick me up. i am ecstatic. finally i reach my home. and happily i completed my journey. well of course through Assam, the breach in the shangri-la.............

AN EPISTLE FOR MY DAD

I wrote this letter in the night of 31st August 2008, 2 am…….very late night…

Dear Dad,
Right now it is very late at night. Today is Sunday and I slept the whole half day. Sleep is not coming to me. I am forcing myself to sleep but I had my chances blown before it. Tomorrow I have to attend classes so going to sleep is mandatory for me. But sleep is not a materialistic thing that I can force myself to attain it.
My eyes are closed under the blanket of darkness. You know I am afraid of darkness usually but you can take it as maturity because right now I am feeling safe. It’s very unusual.
Realizing my friends asleep soundly, I am very much in envy. But there are no other alternatives. I casually request god for sleep. But I am not blessed with it. Oh god!
My mind is roaming now. Memories flourishing, conquering the spaces of my mind, preserved for my sleep. I find it so contrast but to my surprise happy days of past drops through my racing heart beat due to agitation of no sleep.
I am reminiscing my days with my family-you, mum and my lovely sisters. Happy hours of yesterdays lift me up and punish me happily by making me miss you all so much. I remember the days we sit all together and debate happily among issues, which some were very weird. At the end I and younger sisters won the debate. At that time winning was our happiness and losing your happiness. I could remember your gentle glare with the smile at the corners of your lips and accepting defeat. (Right now I am smiling).
I also remember that we used to sleep together in a single large bed (in bedroom design I learned that largest bed is king sized bed and it measures 180 X 180 cm, but our bed was larger than that. Yours and mum’s hearts were larger than any of the parents’ hearts). Dad you snore much. And I couldn’t sleep with you snoring beside me. So what you did was, you made me asleep first and then went to sleep. Thanks dad.
And sharp to all the memories I remember the days when I went first for my boarding school. There were no other alternatives. I had to go to the school (the courtroom for my justice future, as you put it). I don’t want to mingle those sad and funny memories right now. Trashigang Lower Secondary School is two hours walk from Rangshikhar. Do you remember I sometimes ran away from school during weekends? I used to wake up very early in the morning during some Sundays and hiding from wardens and prefects I came home. My friends sometimes accompanied me through the deserted pathway. When I reached home you never scolded me for coming home without prior permission. I know you too missed me a lot (hey, one point mummy missed me more than you because mummy missed me every hours of the day and you were indulge in works some hours of the day. So distractions for you. Hahaha).
So when I came home (bunking) just in urge to meet you all, I had less fear of walking alone through deserted pathway. The urge was my courage. But at the end of the day I had to return. And with the feelings of not seeing you all again for some days I felt unwilling to return school, and also the fear of the deserted pathway. So every time you reached me near to the school. You carried my packed lunch bag and we used to echo the forest alongside of the deserted pathway with our talks. We talked about our family, my future, your past and many others. Your advices were punch line in our long conversation. I was always thrilled and happy to hear your advices and still I am. You wanted me to become doctor but I hated becoming doctor due to my fear of corpses. I proudly revealed that I am going to be an engineer and you used to accept the defeat.
And after we reached near the school (Trashigang) we stopped for a while. You pass me the packed lunch bag and drag me near you; smiling face of yours soothed my young sadness. We departed with you saying not to feel sad and to study hard. My journey down the path alone began. I never showed you my tears but I always cried when we departed. Down the path and I knew you were at the place only waving me goodbye. You stood there until I was out of sight, into my school.
I never thought it before about this but now I wonder how you went back home after you reached me to the school.
More memories are rushing in. But let me stop here. Let me enjoy it. I want to ask you one question, if I bunk from my college during Sundays, how will you reach me back????? Hahahahha.
I want to thank you for being a greatest father and my best friend (mummy is also my best friend, so two best friends). If I have to pray than I will pray that I want you as my father in my all coming generations………..i love you and miss u………
And share my love to mum and ausas………….I love you all…
Yours favorite son…………..Yeshi Samdrup

REMEMBER, EARLIER I REQUESTED GOD FOR MY SLEEP BUT I WAS NOT BLESSED WITH IT. NOW I REALISE, GOD GAVE ME MORE THAN A SLEEP…..A THOUGHT TO REALISE HOW GREAT MY PARENTS ARE……